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Why is it that men cheat? Brad Pitt was married to the woman idolized as everyone’s best friend Jennifer Anniston and the next thing we know he’s coming out of a mud hut in Namibia carrying Angelina Jolie’s 2 children. Hugh Grant was with the most beautiful woman on earth Elizabeth Hurley and the next thing you know the police find him in the back seat of a Chevy with a hooker who looks like Marvin Hagler wearing a wig. Elizabeth Taylor has been cheated on by so many husbands that she needed the pain medication more for her depression than for her aching back. The classic example was Marilyn Monroe who was treated like Kleenex by more Presidents than George Bush. Why do so many Presidents have names that sound like female sexual organs? How many organ grinders does it take to change a monkey? It seems like having supernatural beauty, fame and success drives men to cheat. How could this be? Why are men running away from the women most desired by hordes of men?
Barbara Holdmee works in the web cam business in Amsterdam. She nude video chats with strange men all day for $4.99 a minute. According to Barbara, “I used to be a high school English teacher. The hours were long and the pay was lousy. I learned that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and teenagers are from Uranus. But this web cam business has really opened my eyes. When you watch Tucker Carlson on television men seem so intelligent, so sophisticated. In the nude video chat sessions you get to see what men are really like. Before nude chat I seduce the men by chatting in a negligee. All day I listen to a constant stream of instant messages from men like “Show me your rear end, show me your boobs, oh BB you’re so hot, and Oh yeah BB. Why do men feel the need to put on this air of sophistication in public? Why can’t they be themselves in public? Why are married men spending an average of 7 minutes a day engaging in sexual relations with nude models over the internet? Who threw Natalie Wood to the sharks? Could the reason that men cheat simply be that in truth they are just wolves in sheep’s clothing, evil liars?”
Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychiatry had a long term affair with his mother. He cheated on her with his sister. Dr. Freud divided the human brain into the ego and the id. There is so much id theft on the internet now that identity theft has become the leading industry in Africa. In the past week alone I have inherited over $356 million dollars from total strangers overseas. I have more parents and grandparents than the descendants of the Messiah. How are there so many paintings of the Messiah when the Gospels do not contain one single word of description of Jesus Christ? Which species was created by a Jewish born Rabbi whose best friend was a hooker? Had Jesus lived to be 85 the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel would be decorated with paintings of a long bearded black hatted black coated Hasidic Rabbi Messiah and Christianity would never have gotten off the ground.
Speaking of the Bible Eve has been smeared for 3,000 years for giving Adam the apple. This Bible story is symbolic. The one eyed snake who told her to do it was Adam’s phallus. The penis is the root of all evil. How else can you explain the level of promiscuity in Africa when the obvious cure for AIDS is monogamy? How else can you explain the male stampede for Viagra and Cialis when these drugs are known to cause blindness? Does everyone believe that they will die tomorrow and so there is no need to consider the consequences of their actions? Fortunately Merck has just invented a vaccine for cervical cancer and the human papiloma virus. Get down! Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down tonight baby! “Why dost thou seeketh to be that which thou are not?”
Most men have a body, a mind and a soul. Lets look at the body first. A good example would be Michelangelo’s The David. Dr. Freud said that men have a sexual thought every 3 seconds. This would explain the Holy Trinity. With the constant production of semen going on in the testes and the male reproductive drive to keep our species going men are unto coitus machines careening out of control.
Now let us look at the human mind. The id is the part of the brain that constantly wants food, sex, money etc. In the old days the strongest cave man just beat the object of his desire over the head with a wooden club and then dragged her into a cave and raped her before lighting up. There were no $200 dinners where the cave man pretended to like her.
The reason that men cheat is the male ego. The male ego is the root of all evil. The male feeling of desire and lust and infatuation and desire to conquer the woman and the newness feels exactly like love only it is infinitely stronger. This is why prior to the conquest men whisper such endless baloney into our ears. “Oh my God you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. I could care less about sex. I love you for your personality.” The micro second that the man ejaculates inside of you without a condom because his passion was so overwhelming and his promises that he was in perfect health were so convincing it’s all down hill even for the Holy Wood starlets. This is because the woman will never again be able to give the man the one thing he wants most in life – the conquest of her - the need in the male mind to say to himself and to his locker room buddies, “Yes, I nailed her!” Nailed?
Every single woman that I know today is engaged in internet dating. If a woman has the slightest flaw, like no jaw for example, or God forbid a crooked nose, men have an endless supply of internet sites and internet women to replace her. The fantasy is better than the reality but the reality is worse than the phobia.
Now let us examine the spiritual reasons that men cheat. According to the famed psychiatrist M. Scott Peck M.D. in his books “People of the Lie” and “Glimpses of the Devil”, in addition to the holy white angel spirit in every person all of our bodies are also containers for evil spirits that resemble the alien monster in the movie Independence Day. Inwardly we are all monsters who sacrificed our first born children alive by fire as the drummers beat their drums loudly to drown out the terrified screams of our burning babies which we sacrificed to the God Baal, Beelzebub, Satan on fire altars in Gehenna just south of Jerusalem for thousands of years up until 2,000 years ago on a planet 5 billion years old. Our ancestors were murderous freaks and we are their clones and this is the reason men cheat.
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The subtle energies of the body, Polarity Therapy,
Tantra and cultivating sexual energy
Empirical science has yet to prove the existence of the subtle anatomies. Yet the mystical traditions have articulated them for millennium. The Sepherot of the Kaballistic Tree of Life, the meridians of the Chinese acupuncture system and the chakras of the Ayurvedic system are examples. They all convey the knowledge of a subtle energy which they assert is the link between the spiritual realms and life as we know it. Each uses their unique language and concepts to describe the precipitation of the mind of God into energy and into physical manifestation. The Chinese call this energy ‘chi’, ‘ki’ by the Japanese and ‘prana’ by the Hindus. The Kahunas of Hawaii call it ‘mana’; Christ called it ‘light’.
The system of Ayurvedic medicine has evolved over the past 5,000 years. It is based on the Hindu scriptural Veda’s, which are the world’s oldest documented spiritual writings. Ayurveda offers a highly specific description of the subtle anatomy. It recognizes five sheaths, or layers of energy through the body. They are described from the most dense to the most subtle. The first and outer most layer is the bones, muscle and skin. The next, more, subtle sheath is respiration. Next in subtlety is the sheath of cognition, associated with the nervous system and the thinking mind. Next is the sheath of discretion, which relates to our moral choices and their consequences. Most subtle of all is the chakra system; the interface between the cosmic vibrations of creation and the grosser anatomical systems of the physical body.
Chakra, from the Sanskrit, means ‘wheel of spinning light.’ The ancients taught there are seven chakras in the body. They are located just in front of and along the spinal column. These generators and reservoirs of energy are also areas of consciousness. The first five chakras are associated with an element of nature (earth, water, fire, air, or ether) and with one of the senses (smell, taste, sight, touch and hearing). All of the chakras are associated with a tonal quality, a numerical and alphabetical value, and a color. When the chakras are in tune the body, mind and spirit experience harmony. Charles and Caroline Muir offer an analogy:
Consider the chakras as the strings of a guitar. Each string vibrates at a different frequency and gives off a different note. Over time the strings may resonate sharp or flat, and they require tuning. When they are in tune, the sound the guitar produces is harmonious. Similarly, when the chakras are in tune, one achieves harmony.
The Base chakra is found at the coccyx bone at the tip of the spine. It resonates with the earth element, the adrenal glands of the endocrine system and the sense of smell. It rules the organs of structure such as bones, muscles, and connective tissues as well as elimination. There is a correlation between the earth element and our need for structure and safety in the world.
The second chakra is found at the sacrum. It resonates with the water element, the reproductive glands and the sense of taste. It rules the fluids of the body such as blood, lymph, sexual secretions and tears. It correlates to sexuality and all creative energies. There is an interesting link between the sense of taste and sexuality in this chakra. Mantak Chia, in his book Taoist Secrets of Love, states:
Many people confuse the hunger for food and sex as being similar biological desires that are both necessary for survival. Clearly they are connected, as many people feeling sexual frustration turn to food for gratification. An imbalance in ching (sex) energy ranks as a major cause of obesity---when you are sexually frustrated, food is the easiest substitute.
The third chakra is found at the solar plexus. It resonates with the fire element, the Isle’s of Langerhan (which produce insulin in the pancreas) and the sense of sight. It rules the organs of digestion and metabolism. This chakra correlates to the assertion of and the abuse of power.
The fourth chakra is found at the heart. This is the center for the Air element, the thymus gland and the sense of touch. The heart chakra rules respiration and immunity. With the arms it addresses how we bring the world to us and how we share ourselves with the world. It correlates to a sense of altruistic love in the world.
The fifth chakra is found at the throat. It rules the Ether element, the thyroid and para-thyroid glands, the organs of speech and the sense of hearing. The throat chakra correlates to “speaking one’s truth” and to taking action based on that truth.
The last two chakras transcend the denser elements and senses. These are the subtlest energetic harmonics.
The sixth chakra, often called the 3rd eye, is found between the eye brows. It relates to the 6th sense of psychic and paranormal experience. It is associated with the pituitary gland of the endocrine system and is the source of spiritual vision.
The Crown Chakra is found at the top of the head and it relates to the pineal gland. This is the seat of mystical experience. It is the place where the mind releases all boundaries and concepts and experiences life in its full unity. There are a number of energy therapy systems such as Reiki and Therapeutic Touch. In my own journey I have found Polarity Therapy to be the most effective way to effect the chakra energy system. Polarity Therapy is the life’s work and teachings of Dr. Randolph Stone. Dr. Stone was a doctor of osteopathy, a doctor of naturopathy and a chiropractor. He would treat clients for symptoms and then notice that they returned with the same chronic pains and illnesses. As well trained as he was he felt he was missing something. His curiosity led him to study mystical healing modalities across the world. Richard Gordon describes Dr. Stone’s search:
In China and France he studied acupuncture and herbology. In the orient, he learned reflexology and other eastern massage techniques. In the course of his work, he stumbled across the ancient Spagyric art of healing as taught by the great Doctor Paracelsus von Hohenheim, who had studied in Arabia. This provided Dr. Stone with essential knowledge of subtle electromagnetic fields of the body. Over the course of sixty years, Dr. Stone integrated this wealth of knowledge into a system he named Polarity Therapy.
Dr. Stone realized that successful healing must take place on the energetic fields as well as the physical level. That’s why chronic pain and illness often return when treatments just address the physical symptoms. Polarity utilizes gentle touch, rocking and deep pressure point work to release blocked energy in the energy fields. Dr. Robert K. Hall, MD teaches it this way: the work calls forth the spirit found at the very core of an individual. The essence of that core is Love. To experience true healing all the trauma and fear that is layered over that core of love must come out. That’s what we at the Lomi School call ‘working through the body.’ Many therapeutic models do their work ‘on’ a body, or something you ‘do’ to people. Working through the body calls forth the very essence of spirit.
Cultivating sexual energy
The Eastern traditions recognize that sexual energy can be a potent source of spiritual energy. The Kaballist’s have their ‘Sex Magic,’ the Taoists have their erotic rituals and the East Indians and Tibetans have Tantra. Tantra is the art and science of cultivating sexual energy and directing it to spiritual transformation. Deepak Chopra says,
“Tantra is the closest you can get to magic or alchemy or transmutation. Tantric rituals are basically spiritual disciplines that allow you to trap and transform power. When properly understood, tantra is one of the most dynamic and consistent paths to enlightenment. Of course, sexuality is a component of it. Tantra acknowledges that sexual energy is the most powerful energy in the universe because it is the creative energy in the universe.”
I think exploring the concepts and practices of Erotic rituals are important for westerners. We have a deep sexual wounding from our Judeo-Christian heritage. Our sexual natures were first denied when Adam and Eve “saw their nakedness” as they were evicted from the Garden of Eden. The teaching of original sin is a body centered, sexual one. Erotic rituals teach us to hold our bodies as sacred. To experience sexual energy as the cosmic creative gift that it is.
A primary key in Tantra is an ability to be present with your partner; to focus with eye-contact, to match the rhythms of the breath, or meditate together. Tantra also teaches the importance of mastering the orgasm. Women have four levels of orgasm: the clitoral orgasm, the vaginal orgasm, multiple orgasms and the amrita, or divine nectar. Men are taught to master ejaculation. Rather than lose their sexual energy out through the penis the orgasmic energy is directed up the chakras. Thus men become capable of multiple orgasms.
Tantric rituals are most effective in committed long-term relationships. The defenses and barriers of our personality are healed in the safety, intensity and intimacy of our primary relationships. My friend Sean Michael used to say, “Intimacy means In-To-Me- See.” Keith Hennessy defines intimacy as, “An un-armed encounter between two individuals.” Both of these describe the expression of a self without the armor of defenses, a vulnerability of just being with another person. Commitment is needed to create the container that allows all the personality defenses to present themselves. Safety and vulnerability come as those defenses are consciously healed. Mastering erotic energy has two primary results. As the art of love making it creates ecstatic satisfaction. It also generates intense energy for healing on all levels of body, mind and spirit.
As a teacher and a professional body-worker, I think it wise to add: a spiritual and body-centered transformation can be a personal journey and/or work with a teacher or professional. The practices that involve a teacher, a therapist or facilitator are not to be used for cultivating sexual energy. Healthy, consensual sex is defined as sex between two individuals who share an equal balance of power. This excludes professional relationships such as Doctor/Psychotherapist and patients, Lawyer/Massage therapist and clients, or teachers and students. Sex between a client and professional is abusive. Erotic rituals invoke powerful energetic experiences. Utilized unconsciously they negatively effect relationships and spiritual evolution.
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If you have taught your child all the rules of ‘stranger danger’ you have protected him/her from a 1% chance of being sexually abused. This leaves your child vulnerable to the most likely sexual child abuse offender, family members or other trusted adults. 80% of children are sexually abused by a family member, 19% are abused by someone the child knows and trusts. The other little known statistic is the frequency of sexual child abuse. David Finkelhor and Dianna Russell’s research reveals 62% of girls and 31% of boys will be sexually abused by age 18. Unfortunately this statistic is considered low due to the difficulty in gathering data through surveys or reporting agencies.
For many decades we have screamed, ranted, condemned, demanded and enacted legislation to punish sex offenders to little avail. The news media and magazines have joined in the campaign to illuminate the problem after the damage is done. As a result of the media’s incessant coverage and hype of ‘strangers,’ we have come to believe if we teach our children about ‘stranger danger,’ we have thoroughly protected our children from this horrific crime.
The first response we form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. ‘I don’t have to be concerned about that in my community. That would never happen in my family.’ The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. To understand how sexual child abuse is perpetrated by the person we least suspect one needs to have a comprehensive definition of sexual abuse.
“Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force.
Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse.
As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).”
There are two types of sexual abuse approaches—overt and covert.
Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature.
Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she/he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his/her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his/her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with him/herself because he/she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her/him discounts signs of the abuse, because we don’t want to believe someone with a sterling public image would do such a thing. Thus the child feels crazy, as if she/he is the one with the problem.
One example of overt sexual abuse whereby the perpetrator disguises his actions and those present are in denial about what is transpiring is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported seeing. Her father (her perpetrator) kissed his granddaughter, her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece finished her bath. Her sister, the child’s mother, the child’s grandmother (wife of the perpetrator) were present. “My sister and mother (the child’s grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting,” she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in therapy she would not have considered it sexual abuse either.
An example of covert sexual abuse by someone we least expect is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been ‘fondled’ when she was nine by a family friend. “He helped me on with my coat at a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast.” This type fondling is often times referred to as ‘coping a feel.’ No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. Women know how icky it feels when a man ‘cops a feel.’ Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced?
Another example of covert sexual abuse by someone you least expect was told to me by my client, Rickie (not his real name). He remembered being held by his mother’s best friend in the water at the beach when he was six, while his parents sat on the beach. Fully protected from view by the water, she fondled his penis. This was not the end of the sexual abuse. When Rickie was 15 years old, she enticed him to have sex with her at her home while he waited for her son, his friend to come home. The second incident of her sexual abuse of Rickie was overt.
There are six key techniques to abuse-proof your child.
•Avoid spanking your child—spanking is a body boundary violation. Perpetrators target children who have had body boundary violations because they are less apt to protest any unacceptable body boundary violations, are more compliant with adults and are less apt to tell. You can avoid your child from falling prey to these cunning perpetrators by doing everything to avoid making your child a target.
•Avoid touching your child in erotic areas—buttocks, chest, thighs, etc. Perpetrators state they use familiar touch (rubbing the child’s legs, buttocks or hugging/kissing) to desensitize the child before using touch which is sexual in content and intent. If your child is unaccustomed to being touched in erotic areas, he/she will protest immediately. Protesting will either thwart the perpetrator or alert anyone nearby that something is awry.
•Teach your child self-protection by teaching him/her to protest violation of body boundaries or unwanted touch beginning at age two.
•Practice and teach your child good body image.
•Practice and teach your child to TELL YOU EVERYTHING, NO SECRETS FROM MOMMY and DADDY.
•Practice and Teach Appropriate Suspicion—Trust your intuition, (a.k.a Sixth Sense)
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If you have taught your child all the rules of ‘stranger danger’ you have protected him/her from a 1% chance of being sexually abused. This leaves your child vulnerable to the most likely sexual child abuse offender, family members or other trusted adults. 80% of children are sexually abused by a family member, 19% are abused by someone the child knows and trusts. The other little known statistic is the frequency of sexual child abuse. David Finkelhor and Dianna Russell’s research reveals 62% of girls and 31% of boys will be sexually abused by age 18. Unfortunately this statistic is considered low due to the difficulty in gathering data through surveys or reporting agencies.
For many decades we have screamed, ranted, condemned, demanded and enacted legislation to punish sex offenders to little avail. The news media and magazines have joined in the campaign to illuminate the problem after the damage is done. As a result of the media’s incessant coverage and hype of ‘strangers,’ we have come to believe if we teach our children about ‘stranger danger,’ we have thoroughly protected our children from this horrific crime.
The first response we form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. ‘I don’t have to be concerned about that in my community. That would never happen in my family.’ The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. To understand how sexual child abuse is perpetrated by the person we least suspect one needs to have a comprehensive definition of sexual abuse.
“Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force.
Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse.
As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).”
There are two types of sexual abuse approaches—overt and covert.
Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature.
Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she/he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his/her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his/her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with him/herself because he/she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her/him discounts signs of the abuse, because we don’t want to believe someone with a sterling public image would do such a thing. Thus the child feels crazy, as if she/he is the one with the problem.
One example of overt sexual abuse whereby the perpetrator disguises his actions and those present are in denial about what is transpiring is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported seeing. Her father (her perpetrator) kissed his granddaughter, her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece finished her bath. Her sister, the child’s mother, the child’s grandmother (wife of the perpetrator) were present. “My sister and mother (the child’s grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting,” she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in therapy she would not have considered it sexual abuse either.
An example of covert sexual abuse by someone we least expect is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been ‘fondled’ when she was nine by a family friend. “He helped me on with my coat at a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast.” This type fondling is often times referred to as ‘coping a feel.’ No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. Women know how icky it feels when a man ‘cops a feel.’ Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced?
Another example of covert sexual abuse by someone you least expect was told to me by my client, Rickie (not his real name). He remembered being held by his mother’s best friend in the water at the beach when he was six, while his parents sat on the beach. Fully protected from view by the water, she fondled his penis. This was not the end of the sexual abuse. When Rickie was 15 years old, she enticed him to have sex with her at her home while he waited for her son, his friend to come home. The second incident of her sexual abuse of Rickie was overt.
There are six key techniques to abuse-proof your child.
•Avoid spanking your child—spanking is a body boundary violation. Perpetrators target children who have had body boundary violations because they are less apt to protest any unacceptable body boundary violations, are more compliant with adults and are less apt to tell. You can avoid your child from falling prey to these cunning perpetrators by doing everything to avoid making your child a target.
•Avoid touching your child in erotic areas—buttocks, chest, thighs, etc. Perpetrators state they use familiar touch (rubbing the child’s legs, buttocks or hugging/kissing) to desensitize the child before using touch which is sexual in content and intent. If your child is unaccustomed to being touched in erotic areas, he/she will protest immediately. Protesting will either thwart the perpetrator or alert anyone nearby that something is awry.
•Teach your child self-protection by teaching him/her to protest violation of body boundaries or unwanted touch beginning at age two.
•Practice and teach your child good body image.
•Practice and teach your child to TELL YOU EVERYTHING, NO SECRETS FROM MOMMY and DADDY.
•Practice and Teach Appropriate Suspicion—Trust your intuition, (a.k.a Sixth Sense)
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On May 23, 2002, U.S. Customs Service and the Arizona Department of Public Safety served a search warrent at the Scottsdale offices of C. P. Direct, manufacterers of a penis enhancement pill called "Longitude." Before the bust, C. P. Direct had sold more than $74 million worth of pills that it claimed would enlarge penises.
What prompeted the authorities to focus on the company was fueled in part by the company’s refusal to provide promised refunds to unhappy customers and fraudulent credit card billing practices.
Most customers who called the company’s toll-free line seeking to stop automatic monthly delivery of the product or to demand their money back, were unable to get through, and those who did were promised refunds that were never sent.
What is significant about the case of C. P. Direct is that they are the first of the big penis enlargement pill to be put out of business.
Although some say that C. P. Direct would still be in business had they not engaged in fraudulent credit card billing, their demise is a clear warning to the penis pill companies that authorities will no longer tolerate the fraud and deception that is so previlant with many of them.
Good riddance!
