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The holidays are touted to be the time of year to be joyful and most of all have fun and spend time with family and/or friends. For some, however, the holidays when families and/or friends gather to celebrate and share the joy of the season are not joyful. Because family matters are conducted behind closed doors this 'unhappy event' goes unnoticed and the victim of this cruel experience takes its toll. I speak of the unspeakable—sexual child abuse.
Countless children are abused at family gatherings. While everyone is talking, laughing and having a good time, beloved Uncle Lewey, Grandpa or family friend, walks out of the living room (ostensibly to go to the bathroom) but instead goes into his niece's/granddaughter's or family friend’s room, where she is 'hanging out.' He nonchalantly chats with her and before she realizes what he is about to do, he has planted a kiss on her lips and forced his tongue into her mouth and/or fondles her breast. He then tells her she is so sexy he couldn’t stop himself, she is very special and it is their secret or he threatens her that if she tells he will say she is a 'liar' or worse yet, she 'came onto' him. Thus, she is forced into silence and shame.
While I realize this scenario is difficult to fathom, it is all too real and all too frequent. However, this scenario doesn't need to end tragically, something can be done to prevent or mitigate it. No one is born a molester, yet all too often victims become perpetrators. Sexual child abuse has become a family tradition-Uncle Lewey was abused by his father, mother, uncle, cousin or aunt and now he has abused his niece. Or grandpa was abused by someone and he now has abused his granddaughter.
How, you may ask, can this be possible when so many people are around-no one would risk being seen sexually abusing a child? Unfortunately, this rationalization merely avoids accepting the truth about sexual abuse perpetrators. It only takes a second to abuse a child. Furthermore, few people recognize what constitutes sexual child abuse. Sexual touch—a sensuous or ‘wet’ kiss on the lips, touching or fondling erogenous areas cause as much trauma as genital contact. All sexual abuse and/or sexual touch is damaging because it is first and foremost a betrayal of trust.
PREVENTION is possible. However, for a child to be able to prevent this experience, she or he needs to have knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection. Without knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection, the only defense a child has against any kind of abuse is to accept the blame. A child cannot conceive the idea, "My father, uncle, mother, grandpa, grandma, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, friend, teacher, or baby-sitter is sick and is harming me." Therefore, the only way to survive sexual abuse or incest is to assume that it is his or her fault. A child has unquestioning trust for everyone in the family or persons of acquaintance or authority.
Parents generally teach girls to be passive, compliant, non-assertive, co-operative and reward them for doing so. Girls are raised to be 'quiet, sweet and pretty' they are never to make a 'scene.' It is not surprising then, that girls are (according to statistics) twice as likely to be sexually abused. Perpetrators know who and how to target their victims. Boys are taught, expected and praised to be tough and self-assured, even at times when something troubles them. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior usually means passivity while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur.
Self-protection offers a direct and effective way to empower children to help themselves. Since perpetrators cunningly and with forethought sets the stage to perpetrate this crime in secrecy, who is better able than the child to protect him or herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize; they sense this by the child's demeanor, body language and facial expressions. They sense the fear, the helplessness, their compliant attitude and their passivity.
Perpetrators choose victims who they assume will keep their secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators.
The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. 'I do not have to be concerned about that in my community. This would never happen in my family.' The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He or she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business. He or she does not fit a classic stereotype and is not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused.
'Traditionally, incest was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required.
It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child's expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator's age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors)."
Sexual abuse can be as subtle (covert) as any person showing pornographic pictures or movies to a child. It is any man hugging a child while pressing his hard penis against her. It is anyone consistently invading a child's privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her unaware and indisposed. It is playfully pulling her swimsuit bottom down in the pool or pulling her panties down without her permission. Sexual abuse is anyone bathing the child when the child is old enough to bathe herself. It is any person who touches or caresses the child in ways she does not like or in ways that are sexual. It is any man holding a child on his lap when he has an erection. It is any trusted adult who stares at or makes comments about the child's body. It is anyone kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver. It is seemingly innocuous touching, wrestling, tickling, or playing which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person. Sexual abuse is as blatant (overt) as instructing or asking the child to lie in bed in an intimate position, fondling, digital, penis or object penetration of the rectum or vagina, or instructing a child to perform oral sex or performing oral sex on the child. It is forcing the child to touch others or be touched by others, including other children.
A classic example of covert sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to what was the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been sexually abused when she was nine by a 'nice man,' who was a family friend. "He helped me on with my coat while attending a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast." This type fondling is often times referred to as 'coping a feel.' No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. As an adult woman you know how icky it feels when a man 'cops a feel.' Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced?
Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature. Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she or he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his or her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his or her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with himself or herself because he or she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her or him acts as if nothing is wrong. Thus, she or he feels crazy, as if she or he is the one with the problem.
A classic example of overt sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported about seeing her father (her perpetrator) kiss her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece had taken a bath. Her sister, the child's mother, the child's grandmother, (wife of the perpetrator) were present. "My sister and mother (the child's grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting," she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in recovery and could clarify the experience she would not have considered it sexual abuse either.
The frightening truth about sexual abuse and incest perpetrators is that within their mindset, they do not hold beliefs reflecting society's moral and ethical values. Because of a child's innocence and trust of the abuser, usually pressure or violence is not required. Thus, the sexual abuse or incest perpetrator can unequivocally state, "Never ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It's not in my heart. It's not who I am." Michael Jackson, 1993.
Sexual abuse and incest perpetrators frequently pass lie detector tests. They feel no inner conflict with what they have done. Their moral and ethical values do not reflect the standards on which the test is based. If you have the slightest cause for concern, trust your intuition and seek professional intervention. Trusting and acting on our intuition or sixth sense is paramount to protecting children from perpetrators, no matter whether they are family members, family friends, doctors, dentists, teachers, etc. When intuitiveness or a sixth sense has been activated in detecting danger, it can be identified by a change in one's physiology.
First: Accept the fact that sexual abuse perpetrators may seem very average and ordinary to the world. In spite of all the reports of sexual abuse by pillars of the community-teachers, clergy, coaches, we still want to cling to the belief that a sexual abuse perpetrator is the disheveled man with a scraggly beard, wearing a dirty trench coat. It is difficult to believe the people we like, admire, trust and love would do such a heinous thing.
Second: Accept the definition of sexual abuse. (See definition above)
Third: Know the signs your child is being targeted: Self-protection offers a direct and effective method for children to protect themselves. Who, other than the child, is in a better position to protect him/herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize. They can tell by the child's demeanor, body language, and facial expression. They sense the fear, the helplessness, the passivity. They chose a child who is easily intimidated or controlled so hopefully the child won't tell. Secrecy is paramount for the perpetrator. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior is usually passivity, while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Sexual crimes against children can only be committed if the perpetrator finds someone who will hopefully keep the secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators.
There are seven child tested, parent approved sexual child abuse prevention techniques, which will protect your child from the most cunning predators. If you heed and investigate these warning signals you can prevent continued abuse.
Warning signals include:
• * an aversion to a person, place or event.
• * outbursts of anger and there is no apparent reason known for such anger.
• * any unusual or unexplained behavior change. Ceasing an activity that was once done without hesitation.
• * not wanting to be around a particular person.
• * family member/friend seems to foster a relationship with your child more for him/herself than for your child.
• * secretiveness between the child and adult
Fourth: What to do:
• * Teach Good/Appropriate Touch with regard to anyone.
• * Teach Appropriate Body Boundaries with regard to anyone.
• * Foster Self-Esteem and Good Body Image
• * Teach the "Tell Mommy and Daddy Everything-No Secrets rule.
• * Allow your child to command respect regarding dislikes and touch with family members, friends or authority figures.
• * Talk with and listen to your child until you are satisfied the aversion is unrelated to improper behavior by anyone.
• * Check on your child occasionally whenever they are with another adult or other times to become 'known' as an attentive parent.
• * Trust and honor your child's intuitive reactions. If your child feels uncomfortable with someone, respect their intuitive sense—honor their intuitive sense.
• * Appropriate Suspicion—trusting and acting on your intuition or sixth sense is paramount. If you have confusion regarding a person's actions, nagging/persistent thoughts or feelings, hesitation, general suspicion, apprehension, fear, doubt, a hunch, curiosity regarding a person's actions or statements, or questions regarding a person's proclamation that is not substantiated by their actions—trust your intuition or sixth sense.
• * If you err in evaluating the situation, make the error on the side of caution. The important factor is not that you have avoided offending someone, but that you have protected your child's interest.
• * Remember it only takes a second to sexually abuse anyone—child or adult
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Reading the Kama Sutra or the Perfumed Garden and learning the positions outlined in them will bring you numerous sexual positions to give you and your partner huge satisfaction in your sex life.
The 3 top best sex positions are culled from the two works above, and also the life of Casanova.
There seems to been, in our ancient past, an extensive knowledge of a lady’s erogenous zones, including by not limited to the clitoris, the G-spot and T-Zone…all having to do with pagan sexual rights and knowledge, as well as the sacred writings of India and China.
In fact, the early treatise such as the Tantra has classified the sexual act in much greater detail than even could be imagined in our own day.
There are three powerhouse positions that stand out in the human experience as very special, and they are indeed the top 3 best sex positions in history. They are the Crab (modified doggy style), Dok-al-Arz (translated from Arabic as ‘pounding the spot’, a sitting position), and the Horse position (a modified missionary position).
The Crab:
This is NOT the doggy style, as in that pose - the woman has her head parallel with the floor (or the bed). She is on all fours, but her head is down, touching the bed, and her arms stretched out in front of her for balance and support.
The man enters from the rear, and begins a slow and rhythmical thrusting. In this position you have some clitoral stimulation, but lots of G-spot stimulation if aim for this area. You will also have the thrill of pure sex.
You have deep penetration, and your hands are free to explore your partner’s body. You can also raise the head of your partner till it is parallel with the bed, or even higher, adjusting your thrusting the whole time.
Dok-al-Arz.
This is the most famous position mentioned in the classic Arab work on sex (from the early 1400s), called the Perfume Garden.
This is recommended if you wish the woman to love you afterwards. It is quite simple to achieve. The man will sit on the edge of the bed, with his legs firmly on the floor.
The woman will mount him, face to face, inserting his penis as she mounts. She will then wrap her legs around the man’s waste.
There is no thrusting in this position, only some circular motion, as in a belly dance. The woman is in control, and there is maximum clitoral and G-spot stimulation, even T-Zone at the back of the uterus. When orgasm arrives, it is profound and long-lasting.
The Horse.
This is a favorite mention in works of Tao of Sex, and gives the man a maximum time for this erection, and the woman has a deep penetration, and super G-spot stimulation, as well and full T-Zone.
The woman is placed on her back on a high-raise bed or table. The man must be standing and able to offer a full pelvic swing.
The woman’s legs are spread apart and raised at knee length towards her chest, exposing her genital area.
The man then penetrates the woman, and begins thrusting. The thrusting should follow four short thrusts followed by one or two complete and deep thrusts. The motion must be slow and rhythmical and not forced.
Sooner than you might expect, due to all the stimulation, the woman will arrive at a spectacular orgasm.
Naturally there are almost endless variations to these, but throughout the ages, there are the top 3 best positions in history.
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If you notice any changes in your dog's normal urinary function then you must get him to the vet as soon as possible to be investigated. Your dog's kidneys are responsible for filtering the blood, while retaining useful chemicals, and ridding your the body of harmful and toxic chemicals. Waste material is then passed down the ureters to the bladder where it is stored. When the dog's bladder is full, the dog passes the urine through the urethra and out of the body.
If your dog is straining to urinate then this may caused by any number of multiple issues. It may be caused by infection, mineral sediment in the urine, or bladder stones that may be lodged in your dog's urethra. Not only are urinary disorders life threatening to your dog, they are also very painful. If there is increased amount of urination or even decreased trips to the bathroom then your dog may also have a metabolic illness such as diabetes.
Urination Strain
Infections of your dog's bladder and urethra may cause inflammation and an increased need to urinate, even when the bladder is empty. Male dogs may experience the same need when the prostate gland is either enlarged or infected, or the penis inflamed. The urine is sometimes clouded and will have slight discoloration from blood. Vaginal infections can cause females to strain in the same much the same fashion. Urination straining is more serious and much more painful if the cause is due to stones. Stones originate from the buildup of minerals from the bladder. Male dogs have a very narrow urethra, and these stones sometimes get stuck inside, causing severe pain and straining when urinating.
What to do: It is imperative that you get your dog to the vet as soon as possible. If the straining is so bad that he cannot urinate, then his life could literally be cut short within a few days of not being able to urinate. It is recommended that you get a urine sample to the vet.
If the problem is a result of a urinary infection, then antibiotics will be prescribed as well as urinary acidifiers. For severe blockage, the vet may use a urinary catheter in order to relieve pressure and pain. X-rays will be used to determine if bladder stones exist, and if there are indeed stones inside, then you will be notified to make a heavy change in your dog's diet to prevent them from forming again in the future.
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Known under many nicknames over time and feared by any man who seeks to enjoy life, impotence is getting to be a more and more common dysfunction in these times. Higher levels of stress and pollution, lifestyles that are harmful to the body and exposure to beauty and sex standards that are not widely met within the society are the likely culprits for this situation.
Impotence may be caused by many different factors of both physical and psychological nature. The list of physical factors features inherited impotence, genetic disorders, various conditions and the medication prescribed for them. Studies have shown that many cases of impotence are inherited from ancestors who had similar problems. Long term consumption of alcohol and nicotine is also an established cause of impotence, due to the way alcohol influences the cardiovascular system.
Conditions and diseases that affect the flow of blood within the body are practically guaranteed to cause impotence. Since erections are based on the amount of blood that can be trapped by the penis and on the time it takes to do so, it’s easy to see why people suffering from cardiovascular conditions or diabetes have problems getting erections.
The medication used to keep in check these conditions is also bound to affect the flow of blood, especially in the case of high blood pressure. Other types of medication that interfere with erections are those which modify the responses of the central nervous system to various reflex actions. Such drugs are likely to inhibit the reflex widening of arteries that allows an erection to occur. Antidepressants are well-known for listing impotence among their side effects.
However, any man that wakes in the morning with a full or half-full erection can probably say that there is nothing wrong on the physical side. Which means, of course, that the problem probably lies within the mind. The best known psychological factors that cause impotence are stress and lack of confidence. Stress depletes the energy reserves of the human body and hinders the normal functioning of the brain. Men suffering from stress lose the ability to respond correctly to their impulses and reflexes.
Lack of confidence is a huge problem for certain men who should not have any problem at all. It breaks the focus needed for sex and puts all efforts in doubt. This intimate fear of failure is usually the start of a descent into depression. With each failed erection, the man becomes more and more convinced that his fear of failure is warranted, thus reinforcing his belief in his own inadequacy. If left untreated, this situation can spiral out of control and turn a physically healthy man into a recluse afraid of any intimate contact.
However, impotence is not a death sentence. It can be treated. Not by moping about and waiting for the problem to solve itself, of course, but by taking the initiative. If there’s nothing wrong with physical side, then counseling and practice (yes, you read that right!) should help anyone drive impotence away. With every sex session that ends successfully for both partners, confidence returns and a positive view replaces the negative one.
If the problem is on the physical side, then men should look around and try to identify the source. It may be that the cause is medication or a condition, in which case a trip to a doctor for advice on how to handle the situation is in order. Heavy drinkers and smokers would do well to lay off the alcohol and cigarettes for a while and try to put their circulatory systems in order. Such a change in lifestyle choices has many benefits.
Of course, this is where penis exercises like the PenisHealth program and pills like VolumePills can help men put this old foe to rout. Penis enlargement exercises can help improve the responses of an untrained penis to the erection reflex. The exercises are also an excellent way of learning to control ejaculation, which is crucial for the confidence of fast comers. Knowing that you can hold back as much as you like in order to please your partner is priceless.
VolumePills, on the other hand, contains natural ingredients that promote the flow of blood to the penis and boost the production of testosterone. This serves to jumpstart the male sex drive and increases both the need to have sex and pleasure derived from satisfying this need. Not to mention that the increased production of sperm and the longer orgasms are a nice side effect.
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Warts are small benign growths on the skin, caused by a variety of related, slow-acting viruses HPV (human papilloma virus). There are at least sixty known types of HPV. Warts may appear singly or in clusters. We will talk about three types of warts: Common warts, Plantar warts, and genital warts.
Common warts can be found anywhere on the body, but are most common on the hands, fingers elbows, forearms, knees, face, and the skin around the nails. Most often, they occur on skin that is expose to constant friction, trauma, or abrasion. They can also occur on the larynx (the voice box) and cause hoarseness. Common warts may be flat or raised, dry or moist, and have a rough and pitted surface that is either the same color as or slightly darker than the surrounding skin.
They can be as small as a pinhead or as large as small bean. Highly contagious, the virus that causes common warts is acquired through breaks in the skin. Common warts can spread if they picked, trimmed, bitten or touched, Warts on the face can spread as a result of shaving.
Common warts typically do not cause pain or itching.
Plantar warts occur on the sales of the feet and the underside of the toes. They are bumpy white growths that may resemble calluses, except that they can be tender to the touch and often bleed if the surface is trimmed. They also often have an identifiable hard center. Plantar warts do not tend to spread to other parts of the body.
Genital warts soft, moist growths found in and around the vagina, anus, penis, groin, and/or scrotum. In men, they can grow in the urethra as well. They are usually pink or red in color and resemble tiny heads of cauliflower. Genital warts most often occur in clusters, but they can appear singly as well. They are transmitted through vaginal, oral, or anal intercourse, and are highly contagious. Because the warts do not usually appear until three months or more after an individual becomes infected with the HPV that causes them, the virus can be spread before the carrier is even aware that he or she has it. Although genital warts are not cancerous, they appear to cause changes in the cervix that may be a precursor of cervical cancer.
An infant born to a mother with genital warts may contract the virus. If you have genital warts, you are not alone. Between the start of the “sexual revolution” in the sixties and the late eighties, reported occurrences of these warts increased tenfold. By 1990, one million cases a year were being reported in the United States alone.
We recommend.
Fresh Aloe vera juice is applied directly to dissolve warts and tone the skin.
Proteolytic Enzymes: Papaya (papain), Pineapple (bromelain), banana peel and figs contain enzymes that digest and dissolve warts in a safe manner.
The fresh plant, sap (figs) or concentrate (papain) can be applied; any of these can be taped to the skin for several hours.
Milkweed a weed that is wide spread across North America; the fresh milky sap of the leaf or stem is applied directly to warts once a day. Usually works dramatically; non-irritating, does not affect normal skin.
Increase the amount of sulfur-containing amino acids in your diet by eating more asparagus, citrus fruits, eggs, garlic, and onions.
By Charles Silverman N.D.
